I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
