i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
