Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
