Sponge bath it is.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
