If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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