I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
