i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
