apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
