I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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