This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
