Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
