He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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