I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
