Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
