dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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