I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
