Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
