She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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