There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
