I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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