her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
