So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont even know how to be here
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
