I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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