Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
