The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
