whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize