Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
