I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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