Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
