Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
