his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
