I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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