i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
