there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
