The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
