Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
