"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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