He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
