My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
