"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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