I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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