I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
false alarm, still single
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