You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
