What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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