okay pat passed out under dana's car
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
