whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize