During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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