In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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