i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
