Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize