you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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