he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
