I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize