her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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