This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
