i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
