so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
