How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
