i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
