I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
