Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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