Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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