3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His hands were made for my vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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