Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
