Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize