I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
