This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize