Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
