I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
